
One Minute Melee!
Where all the fights are settled in just a few paragraphs!
No rules!
No research!
Sixty (or more) seconds!
MEEEELEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! GO!
(Press any button to start)
This Episode’s Players:
Louis LeVainquer (Player 1)
Hiro Takeda (Player 2)
Louis: Good to see you, Hiro! Thanks again for coming over! I’m glad you’re not as salty as Edward when it comes to OMM.
Hiro: It’s the least I can do! I mean, you and Ed worked so hard helping Sly and I with Chris vs. Punisher, so think of this as me returning the favor!
Louis: Pas de problem! So, usual rules?
Hiro: You got it.
(Lou selects Versus; Player vs Player; One round per fight; One character; 100% Health)
Louis: I heard some Resident Evil characters got released as DLC. Is that true?
Hiro: Yeah, I heard. Actually, it’s kinda the reason I wanted to play you. (Smirks) You’ll see why in a second.
Louis: Alrighty. Also, have you ever played House of the Dead?
Hiro: Uhhhh, maybe once or twice, but not that much. Why?
Louis: Because…(Scrolls and picks Lisa Rogan)

Name: Lisa Rogan
Age: 19
Sex: Female
Appearance: The House of the Dead III
The daughter of famed AMS agent Thomas Rogan. Lisa’s father went missing during an unsuccessful raid on the zombie-infested EFI Research building. Two weeks later, Lisa and her father’s old partner G went on their own mission to rescue Thomas and finish what he started.
Louis: To quote a famous woman: “When a lady says ‘no!’, she means it!”
Hiro: Ha! Well, let’s hope she’ll say “yes” to her opponent!

Name: Rebecca Chambers
Age: 18
Sex: Female
Appearance(s): Resident Evil; Resident Evil 0; Resident Evil 5
The youngest member of the Special Tactics and Rescue Service. A brilliant medic, Rebecca possesses a degree in Chemistry and a passion for helping others when she’s needed.
Louis: Rebecca Chambers? Huh. Didn’t think Capcom even remembered her anymore. That reminds me, Ed and I are planning a battle between Leon and Claire, and the Magician from House of the Dead. In fact, the Prelude’s already done!
Hiro: That’s awesome! I’ll check it out after this! Well then, let’s see whose zombie-asskicking girl wins!
(Cycles through three or four stages until he settles on “Unknown Laboratory.”)
Get Ready For A Show!:
→ Alright!
Changed my mind!
(Louis selects “Alright!”)
(Loading. Loading. Loading. Loading.)
Unknown Time and Date
Unknown Laboratory
Lisa was laying facedown on a cold metal floor. She’d just barely woke into consciousness. She had no memory of where she was or what happened to her. The blonde struggled to lift herself off the floor and took in her new surroundings.
“What the–where the Hell am I?”
The room was completely pitch-black. It was too dark for Lisa to even see her own body.
“Hello!? If this a joke, it’s not funny! Come on out and show yourself!”
Lisa sounded angry, but in truth she was terrified. She felt like a character out of the trashy horror movies she watched as a kid–the kind where some psychotic old pervert would kidnap young women, chain them to their basements and do unspeakable things to them. The thought of it made her skin crawl.
“Get it together, Lisa! You fought through a whole building of zombies and monsters! This is nothing compared to that!” Lisa scolded herself in an effort to calm herself down.
Suddenly, the blonde heard another person’s voice just to her right..
“Hello? Who’s there?” The voice belonged to another young woman, but hers was a bit lighter and more youthful than Lisa’s. “Who’s shouting?”
“What? Can you hear me?” Lisa asked the stranger. They couldn’t see each other in this darkness, but at least they could speak.
“Yeah. Do you have any idea where we are?”
“No clue.” Lisa responded. “This whole place is pitch black. I can’t see a damn th–.”
*FLASH!*
Without warning, the room was lit up as several rows of ceiling lights shone down from above. The sudden flash stung the girls’ eyes, but now they could see at each other.
The stranger standing across from Lisa was a young girl just about her age. She was a brunette who wore her short hair in an almost boyish bob cut, and she was dressed in some military gear with green pants and a snow-white vest. The confused look on the stranger’s face was enough to tell Lisa that she was also kidnapped here.
“Who are you?” Lisa asked the other girl. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”
“I’m Rebecca. And no, I haven’t the slightest clue what’s happening, but I don’t like it.”

They were both trapped inside what seemed like some kind of high-tech training room straight out of a science-fiction movie. The cavernous room was about two football fields long. The floor, walls and ceiling were made of hundreds of polished, reflective metal panels. There were dozens of security cameras hanging where the wall met the ceiling. At the far side of the room was a massive TV screen, like one would see at a football game. Below the TV was a set of metal doors that seemed like an exit. The atmosphere around the giant room carried a certain “wrongness” to it, as if some outside creep was constantly watching Lisa and Rebecca.
“Still, it beats being trapped in some perv’s basement.” Said Lisa.
Rebecca chuckled a bit, but was still nervous. She carefully examined the room, trying to find a possible escape route.
“Think we should find a way out?” The blonde asked.
Rebecca sighed. “I don’t know if we can. There’s no windows, the security cameras are watching our every move, and the vents are at least four stories high. It seems like the only way out of here is through those metal doors, but those are probably locked.” The brunette worriedly placed her fist underneath her chin.
“Whoever brought us here must have done so for a reason.” Rebecca added. “Why would someone take the time to bring us to a place where we can be easily watched, have no escape route, and no line of communication except that TV?”
As if Lisa wasn’t freaked out enough. “I take it back–this is way worse than being trapped in a basement! So you’re saying that they want to tell us something?”
“It seems that way, yeah.”
“Shit.” Lisa growled. “Well, he’s in luck because I have quite a few things I’d like to say to whatever sick bastard kidnapped us!”
Rebecca looked at Lisa. “Careful, now. Remember, he can see and hear both of us anytime. There’s no telling what he can do if we piss him off.”
“He should be more worried about pissing me off!” Lisa boasted.
“You certainly have a lot of spirit.” Said Rebecca as she smiled at the blonde.
“Call it a family creed.” Said Lisa. “My father always told me to believe in myself, and I don’t intend to quit doing that!”
Rebecca felt a little reassured by the blonde’s confidence, but she still kept her guard up.
After a few minutes, Rebecca gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry! All this time and I didn’t ask you your name.”
“It’s Lisa.” The blonde answered. “Lisa Ro–“
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!*
The two women were startled by a loud PA noise, and they noticed the giant TV screen was flickering to life. Finally, they would learn who was behind all this.
In a few seconds, the picture on the monitor came clear.

The image on screen was that of a sinister-looking man dressed in a pristine white labcoat. He sat uprightly in his chair and rested his chin on his hands, which were clasped together in front. The scientist’s face was shrouded in darkness, except for his glasses which brightly reflected the screen he was watching.
The man flicked on the microphone in front of him. “So, you’re both awake. Splendid.”
“Who are you? Where are we, and why did you take us here?” Rebecca was the first to speak to the kidnapper.
“My name is of no importance.” The scientist replied in a cold, emotionless voice. “However, you should know that the room in which you stand once belonged to the Umbrella Corporation.”
“Umbrella?” Lisa asked, never having heard of the company.
But Rebecca was all too familiar with that disgusting corporation. “Umbrella was a powerful pharmaceutical company. But they were responsible for a number of illegal experiments and biological disasters, including the Raccoon City Incident of 1998. They went bankrupt in 2001 after all their crimes were made public.”
“That is correct, Ms. Chambers.” Said the man on screen. “Rest assured that I am not here on Umbrella’s behest. I merely chose this facility because I found it most conducive for my research.”
“Research? For what?” Lisa demanded.
“For the experiment which I have selected you and Ms. Chambers for.” The scientist answered.
“Lisa Rogan, you rescued your father from the EFI Research Facility and destroyed Dr. Roy Curien’s ultimate creation, the ‘Wheel of Fate’. Rebecca Chambers, you were one of the few survivors of the Arklay Mansion case of 1998. Both of you are excellent candidates for this experiment.”
He paused. “This exercise will be a survival test. The purpose of this experiment is to determine what two strong-willed individuals with no prior history will do when put in a life-or-death situation. Simply put–one of you must terminate the other.”
“Hell, no! We’re not agreeing to that!” Lisa roared at the man in shock and anger.
“You want two complete strangers to kill each other!?” Shouted Rebecca. “You’re outta your mind if you think we’ll go along with something that twisted!”
The scientist paused without changing his expression.
“I anticipated this reaction from you two. However, I have no need for non-compliant subjects. Therefore, I have provided you with a little…incentive.” He pointed his finger upwards. “Look towards the ceiling.”
Lisa and Rebecca looked in the direction he was pointing.
“Embedded in the ceiling far above you are forty-three canisters, each filled with 300 milliliters of sarin gas.”
Both women were horrified at the news, Rebecca especially because she majored in Chemistry and knew exactly what sarin gas is capable of.
“To my right is a button which will open the canisters, releasing the toxic gas into the training area. When exposed, you two will experience intense skin burning, blindness, respiratory failure, uncontrolled vomiting, and ultimately, death.”
The girls were speechless that their kidnapper would go to such atrocious lengths. Was this guy really so sick that he would gas them both if they didn’t follow his orders?
“Bullshit!” Shouted Lisa, masking her fear with defiance. “You wouldn’t go through all this trouble just to kill us! You’d have no more test subjects for your fucked-up experiment!”
“Are you certain, Ms. Rogan?” The depraved scientist replied. “Terminating you two would be of little consequence to me. I would simply search for more cooperative subjects for this experiment. Are you still prepared to test your theory?”
Lisa opened her mouth, but held her words when she looked at Rebecca to her right. The brunette silently warned Lisa to back down. As much as it hurt Lisa’s pride, she couldn’t risk getting both the both of them killed. The blonde stayed quiet.
“Didn’t think so.” Said the scientist with a hint of smugness. “Now then, to begin the simulation.”
The kidnapper pushed a blue button on his console, causing the room around the girls to change. The walls glowed a brilliant blue-white while small geometric figures combined and vaguely formed objects and structures. The figures then took on more definite shape, forming holograms of crumbling buildings, burning cars, and cratered streets. The blank ceiling turned black with the image of a night sky, looking almost sinister with gray smoke clouds rising to the top. The faux-buildings and cars glowed a steely red-orange as several small flames burned them. The “city” was arranged with totaled a car placed on each side, and a ruined blue-and-white bus placed in the middle.

“What the hell is this?” Whispered Lisa. “It feels like we’re in a fucking video game.”
For Rebecca, there was something haunting about the holographic city. “Oh, my God. “This place–it looks just like–“
“Raccoon City.” The scientist interrupted. “Once again, you are correct, Ms. Chambers. The simulation before you is based on Umbrella’s photographs of the 1998 outbreak you previously mentioned. I trust it is a somewhat faithful representation.” He said with a hidden sense of pride, as an artist would have towards a painting.
“Your weapons, however, are quite real.”
Behind the girls, a section of the floor rose out of the ground like a living pillar. It was revealed to be a weapons rack neatly carrying a wide array of firearms, from pistols, to shotguns, to assault rifles and SMGs. There was even a set of grenades stored at the bottom of the rack.
“You may each take one firearm and one grenade. Take as much ammunition as you need.” The scientist calmly instructed the girls as if they were taking a school exam.
“Figures.” Lisa groaned. “This asshole can make a fake city out of thin air, but he wants us to kill each other with real guns.”
“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.” Rebecca thought. She was getting an awful feeling deep inside her gut.
Lisa and Rebecca walked towards the weapons rack. The blonde took a SPAS-12 shotgun and a long bandoleer with red shotgun shells. Rebecca laid her hand on an MP5 submachine gun, but Lisa grabbed the brunette’s hand before she took it.
Lisa leaned closely to Rebecca’s face and whispered, “If we’re gonna do this, then let’s make each other a promise.”
“I’m listening.”
“Whoever of us survives will find and kill that bastard for making us do this!”
The STARS agent was stunned at first, but then nodded her head. “Deal!”
They took their guns, ammo, and grenades and turned back towards the holographic Raccoon City.
“Splendid.” Said the scientist on screen. “Now you are ready to begin this exercise. Please take cover behind your designated cars on each side of the field. Ms. Rogan, the blue car is yours. Ms. Chambers, the red one on the other side is yours.”
The two girls separated and went to each of their designated covers. Surprisingly, the holograms were completely solid. The metal frames and glass windows felt just like they would feel on a real car. Rebecca had to admit, these were some real impressive holograms.
“Oh, and one last thing.”
Lisa and Rebecca just groaned. What more could this lunatic want?
“You will have sixty seconds to complete this exercise. If the time expires before you are finished, I will release the gas immediately.”
“ONE FUCKING MINUTE!?” Lisa cried in disbelief. “You gotta be kidding me!”
Rebecca was just as appalled. “You can’t be serious! How do you expect us to do this in one minute!?”
“That is for you and Ms. Rogan to determine. Now then…” The scientist pressed another button, and the TV screen switched to the image of a large timer that read 1:00 in red digital numbers.
Exasperated, the two kidnapped women held onto their guns and prepared for the worst sixty seconds of their lives.
Louis: Merde, I almost don’t want to play this match now after watching all that.
Hiro: No kidding. Whoever wins, this story ain’t gonna have a happy ending.
“Three. Two. One.”
“BEGIN!”

Lisa jumped her cover and ran towards the bus in the middle. She took cover beneath one of the bus’ shattered windows. Lisa lifted her shotgun and fired at Rebecca’s car.
The STARS agent kept her head down as the enemy fire pelted her car. Rebecca leaned over and fired back with her submachine gun. Her bullet’s crashed and dented around Lisa’s window, but none came close to hitting her. Rebecca was an average shot at best.
But then again, so was Lisa. Not only that, but her shotgun didn’t have enough range. If Lisa was going to win, she had to get closer.

While Rebecca reloaded, Lisa sprinted towards the front of the bus. She took cover next to the driver’s seat and shot at Rebecca’s flank.
Rebecca yelped as gunfire rained down from her left. She kept as low as she could to avoid getting shot. Her cover was taking a hammering–its windshield was smashed through and its frame was dented with pellet holes. Without looking, Rebecca sprayed her MP5 at Lisa’s cover, hoping to hold her off.
Lisa was once again forced to take cover. She was unharmed, but realized she was getting nowhere just shooting at Rebecca. She cooked her grenade and hurled it at her opponent’s car.

The explosive clanked and rolled its way forward until it stopped right beside Rebecca’s car. The brunette rarely cursed, but this time it was necessary: “Oh, shit!”
She ran away right before the grenade detonated.
*BOOM!*
The explosion caused Rebecca to stumble and roll painfully across the ground. When she stopped, she saw that the car exploded into a flaming metal wreck. Rebecca was just happy to not have been blown up along with it.
The scientist gleefully watched the battle on his monitor. “Impressive. Most impressive.”

Meanwhile, Lisa ran out of the bus and took cover inside a holographic convenience store. She ducked behind the cash register and waited to take Rebecca by surprise.
The brunette shakily got back to her feet and checked her MP5. Luckily, it didn’t sustain any damage from the explosion. Rebecca ran inside the bus and discovered that Lisa was no longer at the driver’s seat. “Where could she have gone?” Rebecca wondered
Her target in plain sight, Lisa raised her shotgun and fired at the front windshield. Rebecca screamed and covered her head as pellets and broken glass flew at her. She ducked beneath the steering wheel and fired back. Lisa vaulted the table and pulled out a few fresh shells from her bandoleer. Of course, reloading a shotgun was a slow, tedious process that left her open to gunfire.
“Come on! Come on, dammit!” Lisa swore as she shoved the fresh rounds into her gun.
Rebecca noticed the break in firing. She decided to give the blonde a nasty taste of her own medicine. The brunette took out her frag grenade, cooked it, and threw it at Lisa’s cover. The green explosive landed in the cashier’s booth that Lisa just left. The blonde looked over the counter and retreated in a panic.
*BOOM!*

The STARS agent uncovered her ears and walked over to Lisa’s cover. Holding her gun, Rebecca surveyed the damage her grenade caused.
The convenience store was blown up in a fiery mess of glass and metal. A massive hole was blown where the windows used to be, and half of the cashier’s booth was blasted away. The front half of the store was a mess of fallen shelves and spilled foods, but the rear was relatively fine. Lisa’s SPAS-12 was found next to a few unloaded shells. And yet, there was no sign of the blonde anywhere.
“Damn it. Where’d Lisa get to?”
Rebecca’s answer came unexpectedly in the form of a hard punch to the face that knocked her to the floor.
It was Lisa–visibly injured, but still very much alive. The blonde was lucky; the cashier table shielded her from most of the explosion, leaving her only with a bruised arm and slightly burnt clothes. She stood over Rebecca, tired and unarmed, but not willing to go down without a fight. Rebecca could respect Lisa’s tenacity if her she wasn’t fighting for her life.
Lisa knelt down on top of Rebecca and grabbed her machine gun. The two struggled furiously for possession of the MP5. Rebecca accidentally pulled the trigger, causing the gun to fire wildly to the side. The sudden burst forced Lisa to let go, allowing Rebecca to elbow her in the face and kick her off. Rebecca tried to stand back up, but was quickly sent back down when Lisa threw a well-timed sweep kick.
In a last-ditch effort, the blonde rolled back into the store to pick up her shotgun. Meanwhile, Rebecca ignored the pain in her back and aimed her machine gun. She didn’t know how much ammo she had left, so her next shots had to count. Lisa recovered her shotgun, but it was too late. She was wide open as Rebecca fired a stream of bullets, one of them landing in Lisa’s side.

Lisa cried out and fell as she clutched at her bullet wound. She looked up and saw Rebecca standing just a few feet in front with her submachine gun. Lisa was wounded, cornered, and completely at Rebecca’s mercy. And yet, Lisa didn’t look at hate in hate, or anger, or even fear. In fact, she was actually smiling at her.
“Well…I guess that’s it.” Lisa chuckled. “You beat me fair and square.”
Rebecca hesitated. She was faced with a heartbreaking choice. Could she really take an innocent person’s life to save her own?
“No…This isn’t right! I can’t–“
“It’s alright, Rebecca!” Lisa pleaded. “This…isn’t your fault, okay? We both–we both knew it was gonna be you…or me. Forget about me! Just save yourself! Shoot me!”

Rebecca only had a few seconds to decide.
Life or Death?
Kill:

Spare:
![]()
Hiro: Woah. This is…unexpected.
Louis: I think this came with the new update a few weeks ago. Now you can choose whether you want to kill or spare your opponent if you win. Well…you won fair and square. It’s your choice.
Hiro: Y’know, after watching that whole intro…I think I’ll spare Lisa. (Presses Circle)
Rebecca made up her mind.
“No.”
She threw away the MP5 like it was a piece of garbage. Her fear turned into anger and defiance.
“I don’t care what that bastard scientist says! I will never kill an innocent person as long as I live!”
Needless to say, the scientist wasn’t pleased with this outcome. “What is this!? She’s defying my instructions!”

“Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated.” A computerized female voice called out.
The holographic Raccoon City quickly vanished. The vehicles, buses, and buildings reverted back to the same blue-white figures that formed them until they disappeared. The large simulation room reverted back to its original state, except for the the two black scorch marks where the grenades exploded.
The giant TV screen flashed on once again, displaying the image of the scientist from earlier.
“What are you doing, Chambers!? I clearly instructed that one of you was to finish off the other!”
“Shut the fuck up!” Rebecca roared. “This is wrong, and you know it! I’m not some lab rat that you can study and dispose of whenever you want! I’m a human being, and so is Lisa! I’d rather be dead myself than murder an innocent person for your sick game!”
“I would choose my words wisely, Chambers. You are aware that I could instantly kill both of you, aren’t you!?”
“You’re a smart man, right?” Rebecca taunted. “You know that I’m with STARS. I’m sure you’ve heard of some other people: Barry Burton. Jill Valentine. Chris Redfield. My friends. My teammates. By now, they would’ve noticed I’m missing and that something might’ve happened to me! They’ll never rest until they find this place! Even if it takes them years!”
“I assure you, Ms. Chambers, that your colleagues have little chance of finding–“
“I assure you, they will.” Rebecca replied coldly. “And when–not if–when they find out you murdered me and another innocent girl, it’ll be your worst and last mistake.”
“Rebecca’s right” Lisa shouted. She was still wounded, but too angry to feel any pain.
“And she’s not the only one who knows people!” Lisa continued. “My dad Thomas Rogan, and his old partner “G.” They were two of the AMS’s best agents! They spent twenty years hunting down sick fucks in labcoats like you! I don’t know when or how, but someday they will find this funhouse. If my dad learns that his only daughter was murdered by some coward who dares call himself a scientist–he will find you, and he will kill you.”
Rebecca and Lisa stood side-by-side, defiantly looking at the image of the scientist. He tried to appear calm, but they could tell he was deeply frustrated.
“We’ve had enough of your bullshit!” Lisa roared for the last time. “We’re not fighting anymore! You’ll have to either kill us or let us go!”
“Damn right!” Rebecca agreed.
The scientist leaned his head into his hands. He carefully weighed his options. Sure, he could easily kill the two girls, but doing so would mean spending months and months searching for new candidates of similar quality. And who knows how long that would take until the girls’ compatriots find this facility and compromise the whole process?
The room was covered in a deafening silence for several seconds. Finally, the sadistic scientist made his choice .”Fine.” He pushed a button his console.
The two girls held their breaths and shut their eyes, waiting for the toxic gas to flood the room and choke away their lives.
*WRRRRRRRRRR!!!*
“You’re free to go.”
What? He didn’t release the gas? Lisa and Rebecca opened their eyes.
The metal doors that sealed them in were now open.
That was it? After everything he’d done–everything he made them do–he was letting them go, just like that?
He was letting them go? Just like that?
“I’m allowing you two to live. For now.” The scientist spoke. “However, this does not mean that this experiment is over. There is still plenty more research to be conducted before I will let you two leave. In the meantime, you may leave the Simulation Room, but please leave your weapons here. Ms. Chambers, I understand that you are a trained field medic. A first aid kit will be provided for Lisa upon your exit. Treating your friend’s wounds should be no difficult task for you.”
The scientist waved at the camera and chuckled sisterly. “Well, until we meet again.” With that send-off, the image on the monitor flickered off.
Rebecca was just stupefied. It was as if her brain couldn’t process what happened just two minutes ago.
“I can’t believe what I just did!” Rebecca thought. “I’m usually so calm, but I just–exploded! I screamed and cursed at that man, and even told him to kill me! All because I wouldn’t kill Lisa! When on Earth did I become so brave?”
“Hey, Rebecca?” Lisa said, bringing the latter out of her trance.
“Y-yeah? What is it?”
Suddenly, Lisa threw her arms around Rebecca and hugged her. “Thank you!”
“F–for what?” The brunette was even more confused now.
“What do you mean, ‘for what?'” Lisa said. “For saving my life! For standing up to that asshole! I was willing to let you kill me so you could escape! But now we can both leave, thanks to you!”
Rebecca blushed. “I mean…I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, I could’ve gotten us killed, with my outburst. I don’t even know if the STARS really can–“
“No, Rebecca! You were amazing! We’re alive now, because of yo–” Lisa suddenly groaned and reached for her side–a painful reminder that she was still shot.
“This fucking bullet!” She swore silently.
“Oh, my God! I’m so sorry I shot you!” Rebecca cried as she carried Lisa by the shoulder.
Lisa smiled through the pain. “Don’t worry about it. Like I said, this wasn’t your fault. Besides, you’ll need a hell of a lot more than one little bullet to kill Thomas Rogan’s daughter!”
They shared a laugh and smiled. Rebecca took another look at Lisa’s wound.
“Well, the good news is, it doesn’t look like anything more than a flesh wound. Just keep pressure on it until we get you some first aid.”
“No problem.” Lisa grunted. She and Rebecca took another look at the open doorway ahead.
“So what now, medic?” The blonde asked.
“First, we get you patched up. And then, we find our way out of this hellhole. Together.”
“Sounds like a plan. Like my dad always says, we just gotta believe in ourselves. No matter what.”
The two women marched towards the exit, ready to take on whatever madness that quack had in store for them. As long as they had each other’s back, they would fight their way out of this madhouse.
Meanwhile, the scientist sat in his surveillance room, already devising the next challenge for his two disobedient lab rats.
“Insolent brats. The night is still young. There are still plenty more experiments they have yet to partake in. The research must go on.”
With no life taken, this Melee’s winner Is…..
Rebecca Chambers!
(Player 2 Wins!)
P1: 0 Win
P2: 1 Win
TROPHY UNLOCKED!
“That’s ‘Officer’ Chambers to you.”
Win a match as Rebecca Chambers
BIOHAZARD:
Win a match as any Resident Evil character
An Act of Mercy
Spare an opponent’s life
Hiro: Holy crap, we actually got three Trophies for that?
Louis: Yeah, I didn’t expect that either. Do you think they have any chance of actually escaping?
Hiro: Oh, totally. Rebecca escaped the Umbrella Training Facility and the Arklay Mansion. And I don’t know anything about Lisa, but clearly she’s some kind of badass herself. I think they’ll be just fine.
Louis: Bien, bien. Well, you ready to go another round?
Hiro: Hell yeah! And this time, I’m not letting you li–
(Edward suddenly teleports into the room)
Louis: Ed!? What the Hell!? You know I hate it when you just drop in all of a sudden like that!
Hiro: So you’re Louis’ partner? My name’s Hiro Takeda.
Edward: Pleased to meet you, lad. And pardon my intrusion, but I happened to overhear a certain co-host of mine was playing OMM when he should be helping me writing the script for “Leon & Claire vs Magician!”
Louis: C’mon, we went over this! I said that I would do the awesome battles and explosions while you handle the boring stuff!
Edward: “Boring stuff!?” No battle can be complete unless it has smart dialogue, a compelling setup, and a brilliantly written plot!
Louis: That was the whole reason it took us a year to finish “Revy vs Jill!” I’m amazed we’re still getting paid!
Hiro: Guys! Guys! Settle down! You’re both great writers and hosts! There’s no need for you to fight! How ’bout we just all sit down and enjoy a few more rounds of OMM?
Edward: (Sighs) Aye, you’re right. We’ve been needing to let off some steam.
Louis: C’est bien. (Hands Ed a third controller) Wonder if this game has a Free-For-All Mode? You guys ready?
Hiro: Yeah!
Mage: Aye! Let’s do it!