INTRODUCTION
Arkham: When I was ten years old, I saw the classic Pixar animated film The Incredibles at a local Regal movie theater. Like many kids in 2004 before we had superhero films every other Friday, I was totally blown away! An imaginative film with a thrilling story, fantastic characters, and an amazing soundtrack, The Incredibles taught me two things:
1. Superheroes are awesome
2. Capes are fucking STUPID!!!
But seriously, one of the film’s comedic highlights was the infamous “No Capes!” scene, where retired superhero Bob Parr (aka, Mr. Incredible) goes to the mansion of famed costume designer Edna Mode. When Bob requests that his new costume come with a cape, Edna vehemently refuses. And for a very good reason. As it turns out, several superheroes died or went missing (in really embarrassing ways) because their own capes got in the way!
Hell, this even shows up again at the climax where the main villain Syndrome meets a gruesome end because his cape got caught in a plane turbine!
If only Syndrome had taken Edna’s advice.
Daaaaaaaamn! Is this a Pixar movie, or a 1000 Ways to Die episode!? Anyway, this turned out to be a fairly tough list to compile for, as I was only able to come up with 3 or 4 entries to put down. So, I took the liberty of enlisting the help of a fellow Death Battle writer and superhero fan! Sarge Ray, get your ass in here!
Ray: (Walks in smiling) Thank you for inviting me here! Interesting story, by the way. We clearly have similar tastes in movies.
Arkham: Anytime, brother! (Shakes hands) Before we begin, do you have any thoughts you’d like to share?
Ray: Sure! Regardless of the hazards that come with them, capes allow for a lot of visual splendor. From Superman to Shazam (or Captain Marvel if you prefer), capes are meant to give a sense of presence for most heroes and…just look plain awesome in the right breeze. Of course, most of the time, this is generally just for show. But with every rule, there always comes an exception.
Arkham: Today, we’re going to answer this specific question: “What capes in fiction are ACTUALLY useful?” They can be magical cloths, sci-fi gizmos, sentient beings or any combination of the three.
Ray: For clarity, we’ll be looking into the uses of the capes and practicality that they present. If they look cool? Great. It just won’t contribute too much all things considered. We’ll also be looking at character-specific capes. If any character from an RPG like Runescape or Elder scrolls can obtain it, it doesn’t count!
Arkham: Nothing more to say here, so put on your Superman cosplay and get ready to fly!
I’m Kyan Reynolds, aka Arkham500!
And I’m Sarge Ray, aka Dimension-Dino!
Arkham: And these are our picks for…..
Top 10 Superhero Capes that are Actually Useful
Ray: Let’s roll!
Link’s Roc’s Cape and Magic Cloak
(Legend of Zelda: Minish Cap and A Link to the Past)
Arkham: Now, this is an unexpected way to kick off the list. An entry from The Legend of Zelda? A double-entry no less?
Ray: Okay, we cheated a little with this one. Link is not someone you’d normally call a “superhero.” He’s more of a “legendary knight in shining armor.”
Arkham: I guess bearing the Triforce of Courage is technically a superpower, but not exactly the same as being faster than a speeding bullet. Or maybe his superpower is being the biggest babe magnet in Hyrule.
Arkham: (Stares jealously) Lucky bastard! How many monsters do I have to slay before I start gettin’ some ass!?
Ray: Let’s keep it civil, shall we? In any case, Link has used capes in the past and with various effects. Thing is, they only exist in two of the top-down entries in his franchise, this case being “Minish Cap” and “Link to the Past”. The entries in this list are the Roc’s Cape and the Magic Cloak.
Arkham: Ehh… Cape, cloak. Potato, potahto. Kay, so according to the script, the Roc’s Cape allows Link to jump great heights and even glide short distances. Handy when defeating the flying boss he fights after finding it.
Roc’s Cape in Minish Cap.
Ray: The Minish Cap manga, on the other hand? It went “screw gliding, Link can borderline FLY with this thing!”
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap manga, page 142.
Arkham: Capes being used to fly is gonna be a running theme with this list, fyi.
Ray: As for the Link to the Past’s Magic Cloak, this bad boy takes a page out of the Harry Potter novels and turns Link invisible when he wears it.
Arkham: And as an added bonus, it even turns him intangible, enabling him to walk right through enemies like they weren’t even there. I bet Jiraiya would love to wear one of these at one of his “research trips” at the women’s bathhouse.
Ray: Only downside is that it drains magic the longer Link uses it. The reason these are the lowest on this list is because, while they’re definitely handy to have, Link has not used them ever since. They’ve not been seen since their respective games and Link has since taken other approaches in jumping and avoiding being seen.
Alucard’s Assorted Capes
(Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)
Arkham: The year is 1797. It’s a dark, stormy night in Wallachia. You stand at the entrance of a colossal fortress of evil known as Castlevania. You are Alucard, son of the maniacal vampire lord Dracula, come to destroy him for all the pain and sorrow he inflicts on mankind. You storm through the long halls slaying every vicious monster in your way, armed with only your sword, your vampire powers, and one sexy cape.
Ray:…..Did you really need to write all that buildup for a piece of cloth?
Arkham: (Shrugs) I’m a storyteller. Runs in the family. Why do you think I write super-long comments with every YouTube video I sent to you?
Ray: Fair enough. Anyway! Hard as it is to believe, Alucard’s cape is not just there to impress the ladies at the local Goth convention. It’s also an essential part of his gear. In fact, he has a whole wardrobe of capes to choose from!
Arkham: Wait, is this another multi-entry?
Ray: Pretty much. Ten capes to be exact.
Arkham: Ten!? God, I’m gonna have to make an entry for each one.
Ray: Don’t worry, I’ll go through them quickly. I’ll start with the worst and work my way up to the best.
Pretty much garbage–has no real abilities.
Found at the Alchemy Lab.
Colors can be reversed in pause menu.
Costs $3000 at shop.
Alucard receives 1 heart for each amount of damage he takes.
Found at Colosseum.
Can be used as forest camouflage.
Costs $3000.
Makes Alucard invisible, so long as he covers himself.
Found in Underground Caverns.
Makes Alucard invincible to Dark-based attacks.
Found in Underground Caverns.
Randomly changes color–yeah, that’s pretty much it.
Found at Clock Tower (but I wouldn’t bother looking).
Does…..nothing. Literally nothing.
Can be bought at Reverse Keep, but don’t waste your money.
Can be changed to any color in the menu.
FUCK!!! This shit costs $30,000!
Again, does jack shit.
Can be found in Anti-Chapel.
Arkham: Man, it’s like writing a Death Battle bio. Also, what the hell!? Most of these capes are just armors or stat boots! Only half of them have any real abilities!
Ray: (Sighs) I can see why they might seem underwhelming. While Alucard has a wide number of capes he can choose from, most of them are pretty limited in terms of their use (some even being purely-stylistic). Still, never hurts to have some extra armor when fighting the Lord of Darkness.
Arkham: To be fair, it’s implied his own cape allows him to double jump, control the elements, summon hordes of bats, and more…but it’s never confirmed as to whether this is the cape’s function, or if it’s Alu’s own vampiric powers.
Ray: Cool-looking and handy as many of these abilities are, the ambiguity of their origin keeps him from going any higher on this list. But hey, at least he uses them WAY more than Link does.
Arkham: (Groans) What a disappointment! We got better capes to talk about than this! (No offense, Alucard, you’re cool.) Moving on!
Batman’s Bat-Cape
(Batman Arkham series)
Arkham: Now this is what I’m talking about!
Ray: (Pleasantly surprised) Well, somebody’s excited!
Arkham: Brother, you have no idea how big a fan I am of Batman. There are countless debates and arguments that devoted fans make for all superheroes, but there’s one thing we can all agree upon: Batman is badass. His suit: Badass. His weapons: Badass. His fighting style: Badass. His car: Badass. His cape: BAD. ASS.
Ray: (Chuckles) Maybe I’ll let you take the lead on this one.
Arkham: Sure thing! Now, Batman’s cape has been an essential part of his getup in his comics, cartoons, movies, and games. But we’ll focus on his cape and its uses in the popular video game franchise I named myself after: the Arkham series.
Ray: I will say that, right off the bat (no pun intended), Batman’s cape is no run-of-the-mill accessory, it’s a means of psychological warfare. You know you’re doing something right when the mere sight of your cape cause bad guys to FREAK OUT. Of course, the idea of a giant walking bat is already terrifying. Even more so if said bat wants to put you in the Emergency Room with broken ribs.
Arkham: But this ain’t no ordinary cloth hanging around his shoulders. It’s a beautiful product of billions of dollars worth of Wayne Tech research. Batman got money, bitches!
Ray: Most would use such wealth to improve the economy, fund local law enforcement or hold charities for the poor and homeless. But Bruce Wayne prefers to get down n’ dirty when it comes to dealing with Gotham’s criminal underworld.
Arkham: Remember when I said that some of the capes on this list give their wearers the ability to fly? One of the Bat-Cape’s main features is allowing Batman to fly like–well, a bat. It works sort of like a hang glider, slowly descending while using air and wind pressure from below to stay airborne. But Bats can get more air time by diving down and shooting himself upwards. Seriously, flying around Gotham is one of the most exhilarating parts of these games!
Arkham: (Singing) I’m like a bird! I only fly away! I don’t know where my soul is. I don’t know where my home is. 
Ray: Okay, okay! Flying around is fun! But the cape can do more than just that. It’s also made of light, but extremely tough material, making it very durable. How durable? Try “considered stronger than steel in most continuities and extremely flame-resistant” levels of durable!
Arkham: It even makes a surprisingly decent weapon. When in combat, Bats can whip the cape in the opponent’s face, stunning them before delivering an epic beatdown! Very useful for taking down bigger foes like Bane or Killer Croc.
Killer Croc boss battle, Arkham Origins
Arkham: So Ray, with all these great uses for Batman’s cape, why is it only in the Number 8 slot?
Ray: Well, as useful as it is, it’s pretty ordinary compared to later entries. Most of the cape’s uses come from comic-book science and Bruce’s own ingenuity rather than any magic or supernatural traits. Props for semi-realism, but I’ve seen more practical capes out there.
Arkham: Even so, if you’re walking the streets of Gotham at night and you see a dark shadow above, you better pray you didn’t do anything to draw it towards you.
Crossbone Gundam’s Cape
(Mobile Suit Crossbone Gundam)
Arkham: (Grabs fist) Aw, HELL YEAH!!! An entry from my Number One favorite anime series, Mobile Suit Gundam!
Ray: Normally, I would question just why a giant robot would need a cape in the first place. I mean, with all those exposed and sharp joints, it’d be more impractical than anything and constantly damage the cape. And don’t get me started on jamming the joints themselves. It all just seems counter-productive if you ask me.
Arkham: Dude, this is a franchise where pilots are psychic, 15-year-old Jedi. Realism isn’t exactly a priority when it comes to Gundam. Anyhow, the XM-X1 Crossbone Gundam’s cape is actually very practical when out in space combat. The secret is the anti-beam coating that covers the cloth, making it impervious to LASER FIRE. And last I checked, concentrated plasma beams are much, much hotter than ordinary flames. By a few million degrees.
Mobile Suit Gundam Crossbone manga, Volume 1, page 33
Ray: I can only image the shock that poor enemy pilot is going through.
Arkham: Unfortunately the protection has its limits, but trust me, it’s not much of a weakness. This cape regularly takes FIVE shots from enemy fire–in very specific points, I should add–and remains intact. This allows the Crossbones ample time to fire back. In other words, if you don’t aim your shots perfectly where the cape can’t deflect it, you’re basically fucked.
Ray: That’s…actually a very useful thing to have, and in a way I never really see used in these Mecha. Most use shields, force fields or giganto-lightsabers to block lasers if they don’t do the whole, semi-badass, semi-stupid “plow straight through it” tactic. Crossbones is the sole exception and does so with a cape that’s as practical for giant robots as it is cool. I really wish more robots did that…
Number 6
Mario’s Super Cape
(Super Mario World and Super Smash Bros.)
Arkham: Now I fondly remember this one. When I was a kid playing this game, I would go to Donut Plains 1 over and over JUST to get this cape.
Ray: Mario happened upon this item in only one game, but it is absolutely one of the handiest items in all of Super Mario World.
Arkham: Although I’ve always wondered, how the hell does “Feather = Cape”?
Ray: How does “Maple Leaf = Flying Raccoon”?
Arkham:….Fair point. Anyway, on its own the Super Cape is nothing noteworthy. But believe us when we say that Mario’s come up with plenty of clever and inventive ways to use it!
Ray: With this cape, our portly plumber can spin to attack his foes or nearby objects, use it to slow his fall, and most handily, use it to actually fly with enough momentum and come crashing down like a meteor to create a shockwave. In other words, it’s like Batman’s cape, but more Mario-ey.
Arkham: Lemme tell ya, it is SO easy to cheese Mario World with this cape! No joke, all the obstacles become borderline nonexistent. What power do you have NOW, Koopa Troopas?!
Ray: And sometimes it’s even KEY to finding some of the game’s most well-hidden secrets, which means unlocking special levels, pathways and items……. “Key.” Get it? Because you need the key to open……
Arkham: (Groans in embarassment)
Ray: I’ll shut up.
Arkham: Thank you. After that game, this handy piece of cloth disappeared for years. UNTIL! Super Smash Bros. Melee took a look at it and decided “yeah, let’s bring that shit back”.It returned to glory while packing even more punch, being able to turn projectiles the other direction just by hitting them…and your opponents, too.
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Arkham: OH, FUCK YOU, MARIO!!!
Ray: It may only appear in just a few select games and franchises, but the Super Cape really lives up to its namesake. This is coming from a guy who semi-mains Mario in Smash, by-the-by.
Arkham: Oh, you just wait till my Down-B destroys you when I play as Zelda, motherfucker!
Meta Knight’s Dimensional Cape
(Kirby)
Ray: Ah, Meta Knight. Gotta give props to someone trying to be an edgelord in a game with Waddle Dees, places called “Pop Star” and “Dreamland”, giant penguins with hammers, and of course…KIRBY
Arkham: Funny thing, have you ever seen Meta Knight without his mask? He looks exactly like Kirby with his black colorization in Smash.
Ray: Strange resemblance to Kirby aside, you can’t deny that Meta rocks that knightly look with his armored mask and his trademark Dimensional Cape.
Arkham: Right off the bat, you can tell it means business because it can shapeshift into a pair of wings as its first noteworthy ability–wings that allow him to FLY IN SPACE. As in “span the entire galaxy in mere minutes” levels of flight.
Ray: But that’s not all he can do with it. The Dimensional Cape allows Meta Knight to control and condense space around him, teleport, and turn invisible for ambushes or help him evade attacks while giving him the chance to counterstrike.
Arkham: And let’s not forget that, for the longest time, it was key to his Final Smash–Galaxia Darkness. If he hit you with that cape, it wouldn’t just freeze you in darkness, it would fucking DESTROY you if your damage counter was high enough.
Ray: All these abilities are on full display in Smash Bros. where Sakurai decided to show us how much of a BEAST he can be on the ground or in the air.
Arkham: And then he spoiled all that when he decided to nerf Meta Knight in future games.
Ray: Well, OP Smash combatant or not, it’s undeniable that Meta Knight is a badass and his Dimensional Cape’s myriad of abilities are a definite contribution to this fact.
Dr. Fate’s Cloak of Destiny
(DC Comics)
Ray: Tell me, Arkham, do you believe in Destiny?
Arkham: Not necessarily, but I do believe in Karma. Why?
Ray: (Glares) Way to miss the joke! ANYWAY! This is the main shtick of Doctor Fate–a hero who acts as a vessel for the ancient god, Nabu, and protects the universe, restoring it to the path of order and combating chaos and evil.
Arkham: Wha–hang on! I thought that golden bucket on his head was main gimmick? Why’s that on a list about capes of all things?
Ray: An easy assumption to make, but the helmet is actually one of three artifacts that come with the Dr. Fate mantle. The Helmet of Fate, the Amulet of Anubis, and the kicker here–the Cloak of Destiny.
Arkham: With a name like “Cloak of Destiny”, you know it has to be rocking something. What’s it do?
Ray: For starters, it gives Dr. Fate the ability to fly completely unaided. A basic ability for most of these capes. But it also enhances his own durability, making him near-invulnerable and able to tangle with the likes of Superman, and is completely fireproof, meaning that this baby isn’t going to ignite no matter what fire it’s exposed to.
Arkham: Pretty standard abilities, but pretty damn effective ones to have, all things considered. What makes it special is how it gets passed down to any Dr. Fate along with the Amulet and the Helmet, which are considered the most important aspects of the mantle. It’s this “passing the torch” element that puts it above a good many of the other entries.
Cloak’s……..cloak?
(Marvel)
Arkham: Most of you reading are probably thinking the same thing I did when I first heard of him: “Who the fuck is this Cloak guy?”
Ray: A fair reaction when you consider he’s a relatively unknown superhero in Marvel’s lineup, in part because the most media exposure he’s had are cameos in cartoons and a semi-obscure TV show. But trust me–when you find out who he is and what he can do, you will not regret it.
Arkham: When Tyrone Johnson takes up the guise of Cloak, he not only looks surprisingly awesome in his cloak-cape combo, he’s got powers of darkness surrounding it that are absolutely-awesome.
Ray: Cloak’s namesake can envelop its victims in freezing cold and overwhelming sense of terror just through touch, can teleport him and other people through the use of shadows and travel through the Darkforce Dimension, and feed on the light, heat, and life force of his enemies. Also, like Dr. Fate’s Cloak of Destiny, it’s been possessed by beings with similar abilities to Tyrone’s.
Arkham: Is it the cloak? Is it his powers? Is it a bit of both? Either way, the cloak likely has as much power as Tyrone alone does, and it also adds on to his awesome look, too.
Ray: Also, his teammate is named Dagger. Geddit?
Arkham: (Glares at Ray) Urge to kill rising…
Ray: What? I didn’t write it. Look…
Arkham: Note to self: Assassinate the writers of the Cloak series.
Dr. Strange’s Cloak of Levitation
(Marvel)
Arkham: Let’s face it. You all knew this guy was gonna be on here. I mean, I used him as the thumbnail for this list.
Ray: And why shouldn’t he be? The Cloak of Levitation is the quintessential example of a superhero cape that’s both awesome and practical! Only exception is the Number One spot, but we’ll touch up on that later.
Arkham: You can’t get much cooler than a cape that’s a living, sentient being. The Cloak of Levitation has a mind and will of its own, and can even move independently of its wearer to attack or defend.
Ray: It’s not only alive, it comes with a plethora of abilities, too. Like its name implies, the Cloak enables Dr. Strange to hover off the ground or take off through the air at high speeds and can even take hits from Asgardian lightning without burning or tearing. Also, in Infinity War, it kept Thanos’ hand from forming a fist for a brief time. THANOS. Think about that.
Arkham: Here’s something else to think about: wearing the Cloak of Levitation isn’t as simple as just putting it on like a cheap costume at Party City. You have to be worthy of wearing it. Long ago, it once took an army of a thousand trained wizards to tame this “devoted piece of outerwear” as Tony Stark put it. Dr. Strange? Did it without even lifting his finger.
Ray: You didn’t misread that! The Cloak just laid its nonexistent eyes on him and decided “Yep! This guy is the real deal!” and has literally been at his back ever since.
Arkham: That’s some loyalty for a glorified blanket. If only most marriages were like that.
Ray: Before we move on to the Number One spot, here’s a quick Honorable Mention…
The Assassin’s Cloak
(Assassin’s Creed series)
Ray: For all of its style and versatility, the cloak of the Assassin Brotherhood isn’t really so much a cape as it is a hooded longcoat, really…
Arkham: But! That doesn’t stop it from having some very practical uses. Throughout the many iterations of Assassin’s Creed, the Brotherhood cloak has remained the most iconic part of an Assassin’s gear (and arguably the series itself). Not only does it look awesome when concealing its wearer, it also makes a decent tool for concealing weapons like daggers, smoke bombs and even swords.
Ray: Obviously useful for someone whose sole occupation is about performing swift, silent assassinations.
Arkham: What I love most about the Assassin’s Cloak is how versatile its design is. For countless centuries, every member of the Brotherhood has put their own creative spin on the garb. Altair and Ezio’s have the classic pigeon-white hood with red trimming. Edward Kenway has a rugged pirate look complete with flintlock pistols. Jacob and Evie Frye have an elegant Victorian England design. Bayek and Kassandra dress in an Ancient Egyptian and Greek style. I could go on and on with each character.
Ray: But aside from looking cool and having a level of practicality, most of the other capes here put it to shame.
Arkham: Even if it lacks the power and usage of the Top Ten capes, the Assassin’s Creed still deserves credit for being the immortal symbol of the Assassin Brotherhood. With all that out of the way…let’s reveal the Number One for the Best Superhero Cape!
Spawn’s Shroud
(Image Comics)
Ray: (Rubs his hands gleefully) Oh…BOY…OH BOY! I’ve been waiting to talk about this one. When Al Simmons was returned to the world of the living, he was given hellspawn powers, a demonic symbiote suit named Leetha, and THIS masterpiece of a cape.
Arkham: So, aside from being probably the best-looking cape on this countdown, what can this cowl do?
Ray: The better question is “What CAN’T it do?” This cape is at least FOURTEEN feet long, can act on its own free will to protect Spawn even if he’s unconscious, and is fast enough and tough enough to stop bullets.
Arkham: Already that sounds amazing! What more can this sucker do?
Ray: It can actually shapeshift into any weapon he wants, including firearms, swords, clubs, endless chains, and a badass battleaxe called “Agony”!
Arkham: Wait, so that big-ass axe he wielded in Soul Calibur II…
Arkham: That was his CAPE!?
Ray: YEP! If that wasn’t cool enough, The Shroud also helps him fly, shapeshift, turn invisible, bind his enemies, act as a shield as well as a secondary-source of necroplasm to fuel his hellspawn powers, and extend and retract to whatever length Spawn prefers it to be. So, in other words, no “Syndrome Incidents” for him.
Arkham: Remember this, readers?
Arkham: Forget Meta Knight! Spawn’s cape alone should have had its own character slot in Smash. It sounds like just about every entry on this list and MORE rolled together into one! Where can I get one of those?
Ray: You really sure you want it, ‘cause you’d have to go to the pits of Hell to get it. The price to be paid is a demon lord owning your eternal soul, leaving you with a fate worse than death.
Arkham:…..Y’know what? I’m good with the Assassin’s Cloak.
Ray: It’s sentient, it’s magical, it’s powerful, and it’s PRACTICAL. It’s all of these reasons that Spawn has not only the most awesome-looking cape on the list, but also the most efficient.
Arkham: All in all, Spawn’s demonic Shroud more than earns its spot as the Number One Most Useful Superhero Cape.
Epilogue
Arkham: Like I said from the beginning, every rule always has an exception.
Ray: While the majority of superhero capes are cool to look at, they’re either unnecessary at best, and detrimental at worst (at least on a realistic standpoint). But the ten capes shown here-and the Honorable Mention-defy this by proving to be useful as well as amazingly-creative in their execution.
Arkham: The most important lesson to take from this is that every item has a purpose. With some imagination and smart design, even your most useless gear or clothing can become the best weapon in your arsenal.
Ray: If you want to give your hero a cape, don’t let the monster known as “Realism” stop you. Sure, The Incredibles poked fun of capes in a realistic setting, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Capes are an important trademark of fiction for good reason, whether it’s a superhero soaring in to save the day or the ominous cloth trailing behind an approaching villain. But if you can add practicality on top of it all? Then that’s just hitting two birds with one stone if you ask me.
Arkham: Anyway, thank you Sarge for helping with this list! It wouldn’t have been possible without all your hard work and research!
Ray: Anytime, my man! Thank you for inviting me!
Arkham: And a huge shout-out to all my amazing readers! I hope you enjoyed this Countdown! Until next time, I’m Arkham500!
Ray: And I’m Sarge Ray! Thanks for reading, and we hope to see you again!
